I am always guilty.

I am so stressed and then I thought, “What is this journal for?”

I hate myself for always being guilty because let’s be honest guilt doesn’t do anything for us but stress us out. I am guilty for leading this kind of life, sedentary.

I am guilty for ignoring my nephew because I want to finish cleaning the house asap. I am guilty for not being a good person, a good daughter, a good sister. I am guilty for not allotting more time worshiping God and for not being 100% sincere when I am worshiping him.

I am guilty for hoarding lots of books that now just rest in my room; I should’ve used the money for more productive things. I am guilty for being guilty over the things I shouldn’t be really guilty about. I feel very guilty for telling people what they’ve done wrong and hurting their feelings unintentionally.

I am guilty for hating life. I am guilty for acting like a motivational person in this blog but the fact is, I am absolutely not. If you’ll know what I do in a day, you’ll be inspired to lay on your bed all day with your phone. I am guilty for being a pretender, pretending that everything’s okay when obviously it’s not.

I am guilty for causing my body to be sick. I am guilty for causing myself to be sad. I am guilty.

I know I need to forgive myself. I know I need to release all these stressors. I know I should give my mind a break.

This is too much for me. If you’re like me, it’s too much for you too. If life’s already unpleasant, let’s no longer add anymore unpleasant thoughts and emotions. Instead, let’s fight out unpleasant life. Giving up ain’t an option.

OK lang ang “OK lang.”

Oo naman, kung minsan, kailangan mo talagang ilabas ‘yong nararamdaman mo. Kapag tinanong ka ng “Kumusta?” Pwedeng-pwede mong i-share ang mga problema mo, ang mga worries mo, at ang nararamdaman mong stress. Pero minsan, ayos na rin ang sagot na “OK lang.” kahit ang totoo, hindi.

Bakit? Kasi hindi naman din magtatagal at magiging OK ka lang talaga. Hindi naman tatagal ‘yang mga problema mo, unless tatambayan mo. ‘Yang mga worries mo, wala namang merit ang mga ‘yan sa future mo unless io-overanalyze mo. At ‘yang stress mo, tawanan mo lang ‘yan at mag-relax ka lang, huhupa rin ‘yan.

Kung minsan, ang sagot na “OK lang” means may pinagdadaanan ako pero alam ko naman sa sarili ko na strong ako kaya kung hindi man ako totoong OK ngayon, ayos lang dahil sooner or later, magiging totoong OK rin ako. 

Huwag nang gawing kumplikado ang buhay o ang mga problema. Ikaw lang din ‘yong mahihirapan. Take it from me. Ang bago kong mantra ngayon: “Simplehan lang natin, bes.” 🙂

Happy Valentine’s Day nga pala. Kumusta ang araw mo? Ako, OK lang. OK lang talaga, may family date kami mamaya. Hehe. ❤