What I Think You Should Know About Me

I don’t like being misunderstood. I cannot stand it when people think they know me when they really don’t. I am different. I don’t act and think the way most people would. I am a mediator and if you would search my personality type, you’d see that I am part of the minority, the minority that the majority always fails to understand.

If you’re here from my Facebook profile then welcome to a piece of my mind. It’s true, I am weird. But definitely not in a negative way. I am weird only because I don’t like what most people would like. I also don’t know how to mingle. It’s just not a skill that I’ve learned in the past.

Yes, I am a quiet person. It’s not because I don’t like the people around me. It’s only because I’m shy and I don’t know what to say or respond so I often just smile. When I’m comfortable with you yet choose to be quiet, it may only mean I’m not in the mood to talk. I am an introvert. I get easily tired conversing with people. I am never comfortable talking with a large group.

I hate it when people mistake themselves as introverts. Being an introvert does not only mean you like reading or you like staying at home or you tend to stay quiet. Being an introvert means you’re always going to be nervous with crowds and you’ll choose to stay at home to prevent embarrassing yourself due to your inborn awkwardness. I’ll never say I am an extrovert. Don’t tell me you’re an introvert just because of that one time you chose to sleep in instead of attending a friend’s party.

Yes, I am sensitive. I am sensitive not only for myself. I am sensitive for other people too especially my family. If you have anything bad to say or do to any member of my family, say or do it to me instead. I cry a lot. I cry over the silliest things. I cry the most when I’m frustrated. I get frustrated a lot.

I am prideful. It’s not easy for me to go on everyday with my current status. I am full of pride and that’s the reason why I am not growing. To tell you the truth, I don’t know how to make a request. I would just let myself die in thirst than ask for a glass of water.

I am not a bad person but I’m not also a good person. I think I’m a so-so. I gossip too and think badly of others. But, I never fight with anyone. I never argued not confronted anybody. You can say, I’m pretty much a doormat. I let other people step on me. I self-pity a lot. Hey, I am not perfect. I also compare myself and my life with others. I also get envy. I also think that I deserve more than I have at times.

I am a complicated person. This why it takes a lot of energy to express myself without getting misunderstood. It’s also the reason why sometimes I choose to be silent, rather than explain my complicated self. I think a lot. I think more than I speak. I think about so many things. I worry about so many things.

I get sad easily. One simple thing can turn a good day into bad. I am a Gemini so I believe it’s to be expected that I get moody. I cry now and laugh later, be affectionate now and cold later, talk to you now and snob you later. Sorry, it seems like the more I explain myself, the more I become confusing.

I believe in God. This is one thing people who personally know me does not know about me. I talk to God a lot. I am a Catholic and I go to church every Sunday. I read Bible. I hope I could say that I’m truly close to God.

I am pretty much a laid-back person. I don’t think we’re born to succeed. I think happiness is what’s most important in this world. It’s not important how we enjoy our lives. What’s important is that we do enjoy our lives. I was materialistic before. I wanted a library. I wanted a makeup room. Now, I only want what I need. I need people most and love.

I’d like to believe that I am creative. I am not born to fix systems, calculate material costs, design new insentives, or do millions of time study. I believe I am born to create an art, a masterpiece that would carry my mark infinitely. I am a dreamer, an idealist. Look it up if you want. 🙂 I like smiling. Whether there’s a reason to or not, smiling is good.

I am both fearless and fearful. What’s there to lose? I don’t know so I don’t think I should be fearful. Yet, I am. I am rebellious. Whenever I’m pissed, I like doing what people don’t want me to do. When I’m pissed, I like pissing others too. I can go all out when I’m pissed. I’m scary. You would want to stay out of my line.

I am an irony. I guess I like it better when people see me as a mystery. I don’t want to be known. But look what I’ve been doing. I tend to kick people out of my life. Hang on. If you want to be close to me, please endure my resistance for a little while. I like it when people still pursue me even though I’m pushing them away. Or must I say, I would like it.

I am not sure if this helps you understand me or it just made you more confused about me. If it’s the former, good then. If the latter applies more, still good then. I never wanted to attach myself to people who do not deserved me. As they say, if you cannot stand a person at their worst, then you don’t deserve them at their best.

This is Me.

Warning: If you cannot handle too much negativity then stop reading.

I hate myself. There’s a reason why. I hate my personality but I couldn’t just change. This is me. How can I change myself?

1. Too sensitive.

As a child, I’ve always been sensitive. Relatives are always saying that too but even though they know that fact about me, it didn’t stop them to provoke my emotions. I still remember those times when they used to make me cry. It’s always about me being fat. They made me fun of me even though they know that I am very sensitive.

Nobody told me that I’m going to have a hard time being a sensitive adult. Nobody taught me how to be less sensitive. Instead, they helped me be more and more sensitive.

Since then, I make a big deal of everything. I get sad, extremely sad, over things I shouldn’t be sad about. I am temperamental. My emotions are intense. I find it so, so difficult to tame them.

2. Prideful and Stubborn

I don’t know where I got this pride taller than the Everest. But I have it. I always believe that I’m superior.

I’ve been stubborn about basically everything. When I don’t want to do something, by all means, you won’t be able to convince me to do it. When I don’t want something, I don’t want it period.

I’ve always been a drama queen when with my family. If they did something I didn’t like, I’ll show them I’m pissed. Nobody told me that it isn’t cute and it’s in fact very disrespectful.

3. Selfish

I don’t find it easy to give something to someone. I need a reason, a valid one, as to why he deserves it.

I always think about myself first. That’s why I don’t do something I don’t want to do even if it would benefit other people.

4. Loner

I can’t keep up with social activities. I’ve always been a loner. Instead of playing outside as a child, I prefer to stay inside the house and read my schoolbooks. I have so few friends. I can count them in one hand.

I don’t know how to talk to people. I don’t know how to express myself. No one ever told me it’s important. No one told me that I will need people. No one told me that it is depressing to always be alone.

5. Coward

I don’t face problems. I run from them. I am a quitter. I always find the ugly in situation and then find a way to escape it. Brevity is the last thing that I have.

I escape. I always escape. Nobody told me that it’s the wrong way to do it. Nobody told me that you don’t really solve a problem by escaping but rather, you’ll only lengthening the agony.

6. Pretender

I don’t know how to express myself so I’ll just pretend that I’m okay. I always choose the easy way out of everything.

I don’t want people to judge me so I just pretend that I got this. Fake it ’til you make it, right?

The only reason why I love myself is because God created me and he loves me so deeply. I gain comfort in that. I wake up everyday with a little hope that God’s love for me will make everything honestly okay. My love for myself and for God is what’s keeping me happy.

You, you got to love yourself too. You only got you and God. Love Him. Love You.

Nope, not yet.

I want to post my blog in my Facebook profile page. I seem to want to brag that I can put up something like this to my friends, especially those I personally know but no, nope, not yet.

Aside from being a mediator and an idealist, I am also an introvert to its extremities. I am part of the group who’d rather spend their vacant time reading a book in a peaceful setting rather than attend a party. Yup, a huge crowd can give me anxiety. That’s one reason why I couldn’t work in manufacturing companies where IEs are usually employed. I am known to be a quiet girl ever since. I’m only talkative when I’m with my sister or by myself (pretending to be doing a haul, lol).

What I’m saying is people don’t know me and I’m at a place right now where I want to be known. I want them to know that I have a personality too-which is probably the opposite of theirs, I have feelings and thoughts too, I have ideas and perceptions and opinions too although I don’t get to voice them. Obviously, I could write them and that’s what I’ve been doing. I’m not really a verbal person.

I feel like I’ve been too closed my entire life, I’ve been too uptight, too aloof, too engrossed in my own world. I forgot that I am also a resident of the Earth, and not just my own little world. I’m thinking right now that I should open up a bit, loosen up, let people visit my world, let them take a glimpse of who I really am. Only then, I believe, will I finally achieve what I’ve been wanting to gain all my life-that is, other’s understanding. Yes!

Yes, I am an introvert but being introverted does not mean I don’t need people in my life. I need people too, and their affection and compassion, their understanding and care, their love.

One day, I’m going to share this blog to the people I personally know and tell them, “Hey, I guess it’s about time you stop misunderstanding me.

Please don’t misunderstand me. LOL! It’s almost the second week of the year. May the force continue to be with you!