006

I know something has changed

I had learned to forgive myself

I had learned to fogive people

I had learned to forgive my fate.

I’m hoping other things will change too

And maybe my life would be better

And maybe I could be someone’s joy

And maybe I would be happy.

It’s not like I’m unhappy

It is like I’m incomplete

There’s a lot that I’m lacking

One by one, I want to fill my emptiness.

It is not like I’m fully empty

I’m grateful for what I have

I don’t desire more but I need more

And it’s not only out of selfishness.

24 New (and not-so-new) Habits

As I’ve mentioned in my post, Decluttering, I’ll be turning 24 next month (specifically on the 7th). I want to improve myself and my life now that I’m becoming a fully bloomed adult. I want to be proud of myself and inspire others too. For me, that’s my main goal in life – to be of inspiration in any positive way.

To achieve my goal, I’ve decided to pledge to observe 24 new and not-so-new good habits. This is also my way of becoming aware of the things that I do wrong and then ultimately stop myself from doing them.

I want to share to you these 24 habits. You can borrow some or you can also create your very own established habits. I think the last one is the most important of all.

1. Be Less Digital

I will be honest, every single day, I’m in my phone the most. And I’m pretty sure I’m not alone. I’m pretty sure there are a lot of us who prioritize social media. It’s like missing out on a news about our idol or about the person we care about is the greatest sin of life. In my case, it’s getting out of hand. All I want to do is be on social media all-day everyday. It’s such a bad habit.

From now on, I will only go on social media whenever I’m in my desk. I will also try my best to not be on my desk all-day everyday. This is only the first step.

2. Stop being lazy for myself.

I take a bath twice daily since I’m living in the hot and humid Philippines. But I know, that’s not enough self-care. I really get lazy to put on mask, to clean my nails, and the likes. This time, I’d be more industrious and willing to be more physically pleasing. I will tend to my nails once every two days and I will do mask twice a week. I’ll do other hygiene tasks more often.

3. Eat clean.

No more junk food. No more fast food. I’ll eat more vegetables. I will stay away from fatty and salty food. I will also drink lots and lots of water daily.

4. Be fit and physically confident.

I will workout even if I don’t feel like it. I’ll get back to my morning walks. My body clock has quite been messed up for a couple of weeks and so I wasn’t able to get up early. I’ve forgotten the day I last did a morning walk. But, I’ll get back to it. I really would.

I will make my body stronger through strength training and yoga and then, I’m certain that I could be confident with it. I will also be able to maintain my blood sugar at normal level.

5. Stop making excuses.

For the longest time, I’m not making any progress in my life due to excuses that I’m making up. I always say I can’t because of this and because of that. This time, no more excuses. I will be a doer now.

6. Stop complaining.

I don’t know why but I always find time and reasons to complain. I complain about my life the most and complaining does not benefit me. So, I would stop. I will also stop comparing my life to others’.

7. Use my time efficiently.

I will find new things to do that will make me more productive. I need to find something that I will enjoy so that whenever I feel bored, I will not resort to using my phone. Hopefully, I could find something profitable.

8. Read more.

I really want to gain more knowledge about anything, but mostly those I could use practically. I also want to enter new worlds and meet new awesome people by reading fictional stories.

9. Write more.

Well… 🙂 I also want to create new worlds and new people.

10. Listen more.

This is another way for me to obtain useful information. I also want to understand other people better. And maybe, just maybe, by listening more to other people, I’d be able to understand myself better. Listening, I know, is also a way of doing someone a favor. Let’s admit it, we are all longing for a person who’s willing to listen to us.

11. Talk more.

Since I am an introvert, I tend to be really quiet. This is why people label me as weird and why they cannot understand my personality. I need to talk more. I need to adjust to them so that we can understand each other. I need to do this for myself. I need to learn how to express myself, how to translate my thoughts and emotions into spoken words. I need to finally speak up.

12. Be more open.

Another strong characteristic that I have is being sensitive. It hinders me from growing because I tend to close my ears than listen to criticisms. Let’s be honest, some criticisms are important. They’re our push to improve. I will now be more open to hear out what people have to say about me and think about them rationally.

13. Say “yes” more.

I will also become more open to opportunities. I will explore the world. I will explore my potentials. I will be willing to try on new things. I will no longer let myself regret not doing this and not doing that.

14. Be more myself.

Most people who know me think I’m serious. I’m really not. Although I’m quite temperamental, I also have a goofy side. I believe I can also pull of a good sense of humor. I can be a little cray in public doing unexpected things for fun. People see me as a complicated person but I’m just really a simple human being. I get happy over the simplest things and get sad over the silliest things. I’m just like everybody else. 

15. Take care of my inner self.

I will continue my habit of meditating daily and doing yoga. I will also pamper myself every once in a while for utmost relaxation. I will also attend to my inner child by playing with my nephews and cousins, by watching cartoons, and many other ways.

16. Always be joyful and thankful.

A grateful heart is a happy heart. Instead of focusing on the things that I don’t have, I will always put in mind how fortunate I am for having everything that I have. Everyday, I will take time to thank God.

17. Be thoughtfully honest.

I am honest, sometimes too painfully honest that I already hurt other people. It’s time I change my ways. I’ll find the right words to say before ending up saying the wrong words. I will always consider other’s feelings. I now realize that it’s not enough to be logical, we also need to be compassionate. We cannot straighten a mistake with another mistake. And the reality is, people will only appreciate honesty if it’s kind.

18. Be optimistic.

Despite being an idealist, I admit I’m extremely pessimistic. I worry about the silliest things and did it help me? Absolutely not. From now on, I’d be more positive. I’ll let myself think more of the positive results of whatever that I want to do and be excited about it than of the negative results and just be discouraged.

19. Help more.

Whenever I can, I’ll extend my hand to anyone who’s in need. I’ll make it a part of my nature to help. And I will help without asking for any repayment.

20. Be kinder.

I feel like we all need kindness. Since we’re all going through some tough times in our lives, an act of kindness these days is much appreciated. I will smile to strangers more. I will be more polite and respectful.

21. Be more patient.

I know I need more patience in dealing with difficult people and difficult situations. I also need the longest patience to wait for my destiny to unfold before me.

22. Spread more love.

The world needs more love. We need more love. I want to share more of the amazing love God has for all of us. I also want others, especially those who feel alone, to feel that they are loved. We all are loved.

23. Love more.

I’m scared to love because I’m scared of pain. But maybe if I love, if I only love without expecting anything in return, there’ll be no more pain. I’ll love more without any inhibitions, I believe all of us should.

24. Be committed.

This is the most important because if I’m not committed, I won’t do all the other 23 habits and I wouldn’t be able to reach my many dreams. 🙂

Decluttering

Today, I’ve decided to declutter my room and finally throw away the things that no longer serve me. I own a lot of school supplies and things that you usually display. Some of them were gifts. I was really hesitant to throw away those which are gifted to me in respect to the giver, but they’re the things I don’t really need. So, I’ve decided today is the day that I let them go to create more space in my room.

I also cleaned my closet and removed all the clothes that I no longer wear. Most I will throw because they are really old but I left some to act as rags. The rest, I’ll give away to my relatives who want them.

This process, for me, of decluttering is therapeutic because it’s such a concrete demonstration of our abilities to let go of anything that we no longer need in our lives. Two words – we can. It may be difficult especially if the things do have sentimental value for us wherein we remember something special whenever we see them. But that’s actually what the process is. It requires the strength to let go no matter difficult.

Next month, I will reach the age of 24. Pretty old, huh? And I want it to be a turning point in my life. I want it to be the age when finally, I break out of my comfort zone and find where my heart is, and then follow it without thinking twice. Before my birthday, I want to prepare. I want to be prepared. I want to gain the strength, as well as the serenity. I want to be at peace with myself, with my past, with everything that is in my life.

I hope I could be mature enough, yet still very childish. I’ll only age but I won’t ever let go of my inner child and its ability to be happy over the simplest, the littlest things of life.

I know a lot of things may happen and plans may change. But, whatever clutter may come in our lives, I hope we can always find the strength and the ability to declutter… to simply let go without thinking too much and without hesitations… to create new lovely spaces for even lovelier things… and, and to love ourselves more, our lives more, our space – our space – like we have never loved it before.

On Letting Go

We all have a past that we want to forget, a past that we regret, a past that we wish never happened, a past that we wish we could change, and/or a past we that we never wanted to end. We all do. We all do.

Past. It’s where most of our pains root. It’s where we left parts of ourselves that we wish to have back. It’s where our hearts got broken. It’s where our tears dropped.

Past. In other words, done. In other words, unexchangeable. In other words, let it go.

Letting go, as we all know, is vital in life but is also extremely difficult. First of all, how to start? How to start accepting what had been done without confronting the pain again? How to start forgetting what had been said? How to stop regretting? It’s way, way difficult that anyone could ever anticipate.

Letting go can be a long, long process. A long, long emotional battle. A long mental struggle. It’s tiring. It’s tiring.

But, it’s vital. Let’s always go back to that. It’s vital. Letting go is vital in living the present. Live in the present, they said. But actually, before you could really do that, you have to let go of your past first. Otherwise, the past will mess around with the present.

So, what can we do to let go of the past?

  1. Forgive ourselves.
  2. Forgive others.
  3. Forgive life.

And again, these three promised to be such grueling processes. But think about them. Think about their importance.

Tonight, I’ll be praying for us. May we finally learn to let go of our pasts by being able to do those three difficult steps. Then, after we let go, may we be more open to love ourselves, to love others, and to love life.

Use Your Pains as Motivation

I have been bullied. I have been laughed at. I have been an outcast. I have been rejected. I have been ignored. I have been hurt a lot of times.

I know, we all have been. We all once cry or simply bow our heads. We all had that time when we lose our confidence or it was taken away from us. We have been hurt physically, mentally, and emotionally. We have all been bruised yet we’re all still standing.

Despite all those pains, we are all standing. We are all here, bruised yet alive; bruised yet alive.

We will feel all the pain or some of it at certain times. Something or someone will make us remember those times when we got our hearts broken or torn apart. Those times will surely come not just once… not just once.

What should we do if we reach that point in our lives? We always have a choice. But I hope we always choose to turn our pains into motivations. Let them motivate us to love ourselves more and no longer let anybody or any criticism from anybody affect is. 

Let’s let our pain be our motivation to excel in our lives and be the happiest we can be. Let’s let the pain and all our current and past destructors be our motivations to be strong, strong enough to always choose to forgive rather than hold useless grudges; strong enough to control our emotions rather than let them sweep us away; strong enough to always choose love and peace instead of hate and depair.

Pains, what do you know, could also be positive. It just goes to show how perspective could change everything. Let’s always go on the side that’s best for us. Let’s always choose where light shines and where we can shine the most. 🙂

Dear You…

Be grateful. You have a lot of things to be thankful for. On top of the list is the life that God didn’t give you, but God made for you. Take time to reflect on these two’s difference. God didn’t simply give you life. God made you; God made your life only for you. It’s the greatest gift. Embrace it no matter how difficult it may seem at the moment. Always remember that it’s God’s creation and so, he’ll always be in control of it.

Let go. Learn to sort things out. Keep those which you needed and get rid of the ones you don’t. The latter does not need to occupy some important spaces which the former can actually make use of. You’re not meant to sail a still ocean. Life throws lemons; use the good ones and throw the rotten ones.

Love. Don’t be afraid to feel different emotions. Don’t be afraid to be happy just because sadness may come next. Don’t be afraid of sadness, of fear, and the other negative emotions. Don’t be afraid of them so that they won’t be able to control you. Most especially, don’t be afraid to fall in love. Don’t be afraid to give a part of yourself to other people. Don’t be afraid to love only because of the pain it may result. You’re born to love.

Be happy. They say happiness is a choice and that it is not meant to be chased. I believe in them. Every day, you can choose happiness. Even if you’re not feeling it, you can still choose it. There’s nothing wrong in that. You got to be optimistic for life’s never constant. Keep smiling and let your smile shine for others too who need happiness in their lives.

Hope. Never let hope leave your heart. Keep hope deep within and let it grow day by day. Hope for better tomorrows yet never fail to appreciate today. Hope for awesome opportunities but also try to knock certain doors that could lead to your dreams. Hope for a better you and strive. Hope and water your hope.

Cherish every moment. Lastly, always be present. Moments don’t last no matter how so badly you want them too. And so enjoy each moment, each company, each laughter, each tear. Enjoy life as it is moment per moment. Don’t let yourself have any regrets. Live…

Live God’s gift especially for you with a grateful heart, take every learning that you can take and forget about the bad things, never resist any emotion but never let any of them control you too, smile, dream big, and seize every day!

Sigh.

Sometimes, all you need is a sigh. A sigh.

A sigh to clear your mind. Our brain is one powerful organ. If it thinks you’re unwell, you’ll be. It works way, way hard at times that it could piss you out. Honestly, even if it works so hard all the time, we cannot say that it is productive all the time. Sometimes, it just processes stupid thoughts. Sadly, however, from those stupid thoughts are where negative feelings root. It’s a sad reality. So, sigh. Sigh as deep as you needed to clean your brain and remove the senseless web of thoughts.

Sometimes, all you need is a sigh. A sigh.

A sigh to release your anger. People can be cruel, even without their own consent. They expect you to be perfect, but are flawed in so many ways. They cling on you when they need something and burn the bridge when you’re the one who’s needy. They speak so harshly yet cry at your kind criticism. They always want to have fun but also always unwilling to wrap the fun. Sigh because they can be too much. Sigh instead of stabbing them in their backs. Sigh instead of hurting them back.

Sometimes, all you need is a sigh. A sigh.
Sigh at life’s bitchness. Life is the ultimate bitch. It will guide you into a nice boat while the current is still. After a few minutes of enjoying the ride, it’ll create rain, storm, roaring thunder. It’ll send giant waves on your way. It’ll put a hole on the once nice boat. Yes, you’re screwed but you got to keep living. Sigh and hold onto what’s remaining of the boat. “Hold on for dear life”.

Sometimes, all you need is a sigh. A sigh.

Sigh for you’re stubborn. Sigh for yourself because of yourself. We, ourselves, most of the time, are the actual reasons of our troubles. We make abrupt decisions that cause us a lot. And at certain times, we don’t make decisions but that too causes us a lot. We love the wrong people and hate on those who truly love us. We let fear stop us from doing the things we love. And when we’re overconfident, that very overconfidence helps us ruin ourselves. Sigh for your own stupidity and awful mistakes.

Sometimes, all you need is a sigh. A sigh.

*sigh*