I am not fat.

I’m so tired of being called “fat”.

I’ve been fat my whole life and I’ve been teased about it since I could remember. It wasn’t cool, you know? It wasn’t cool to be defined by the weight of your body. Although saddened and extremely pissed at my detractors, I never really did anything about it until I got a problem in my stomach. It was back in high school. My doctor then prescribed me some suplements to help my digestive system digests the food I take in quickly.

Apart from those tablets that I used to take every after meals, I also had some sort of a chocolate shake (it may be a protein shake) which supposedly replace one of my meals every day, ideally dinner. However, I didn’t have any control over my mouth. Especially when our dinner’s just so yummy, who am I to resist? Right?

It’s also super difficult to go on a diet when your entire family loves to eat. Where’s your support, family? So… To conclude my attempt to weight loss, I simply fail miserably. I didn’t really lose any weight. My stomach got well though so… so…

And then here comes the tear-jerking part. I got diabetes. (Cries) No more sweets! No more excessive/binge eating! Control! Control! Control! Hello, nausea, headaches, body pain, energy gap, anxiety, and depression (I won’t go into details on this one, this’ll be on another blog post).

So… My doctor advised me to excercise. My blood was thick due to excessive glucose so I needed to move my body, shake it, and of course watch what I eat to make it normal-or at least close to normal. I did as I was told. I wanted to get well. I hate being sick for I believe when you’re sick, you don’t enjoy life best (which is not really the case).

So… I worked out. Cardio became my best friend. Since I was only a beginner in exercise, I only do 5-10 minutes of cardio with the help of a mobile app. That’s aside from walking every morning for 30 minutes more or less. I was too afraid during those days, tbh, to eat anything. I was clueless (I still am actually) on the food that I could eat. I was afraid all the food in the table would cause a rise in my blood sugar so I only take small portions. I was probably nauseous then because of nutrient deficiency as well.

My weight after a few months had significantly decreased. I think I lost 10 pounds in the first two to three months. That was a lot, isn’t it? My blood sugar also went back to normal, thank goodness!

However… However! I kept on falling after six months. My average blood sugar for four months is above normal, which isn’t good. I was eating food that I knew I wasn’t supposed to. I no longer walk everyday. I don’t workout everyday. I eat a lot again. I don’t lose any more weight.

Sometimes, I get confused with my body. I haven’t still memorized it and the signs it’s giving me. When I’m feeling unwell say for instance, I’m not sure if it’s because my blood sugar is high or low or it’s due to stress. But because I’m diabetic, it’s probably the first option.

Right now, I very really want to get back on track. I want to live life to the fullest and I don’t want family to worry. I also no longer want to be called “fat”. I am not fat! OK, I may still be fat but that won’t be forever.

My goal is to be fitter and most of all, healthier. It’s not going to be easy, that’s no brainer but I’ve already done it before. I would be strong enough to do it again. My journey to being “not fat” has begun.

So uninspired.

Where did January and February go?? I am a bit disappointed with myself for letting time pass me by. I’m still very unproductive. My world still consists of endless YouTube videos, a few TV shows, countless daydreamings, and doing nothing at all but staring at nothing at all. Oh, what have I become? I became a monster! Really. My very own monster. I need to come back as a person.

Yes, I need to be a person again ASAP.

I’m on my third day of my 6-day cardio challenge. To tell the truth, I’ve gained weight and I am blaming my laziness and junk food and fast food. I’ve lost my self-control a bit-no, not just a bit. I’ve succumbed to the sedentary type of life again. Come closer, I’ll whisper something. I haven’t done any morning jog or even walk for a week! A week! Okay, sorry, I shouted at your ear.

Ugh! I wanna spank myself or probably, slap me hard on both-BOTH-cheeks to wake my senses up.

So, I really need to finish my cardio challenge and get back to morning walks. I’ll cut my rice consumption too and junk food. Confession: I’ve brought junk foods yesterday when we went grocery shopping. Anyone want them?

This is it. I got to shake myself up right now and realize that I’m creating possible future problems. I’ll be back on track. Do morning walks, workout at least 30 mins. daily except Sundays, and eat just enough and just what my body needed. No more lounging at the bed from mornings to late afternoons.

I got this!

And while I’m at it, I’ll also start with my project which I posted here. I haven’t yet started ’cause my short story, “A Love Project” took all my attention. I’m also planning to do a compilation of poems, but I’m still 200 poems away from that. 200?! Yes, 200! More or less.

Bye!

A Commitment to Healthy Eating

18th fact about me: I have always been fat. What do we do to all those delicious food? Eat them, right? Lol. If you’re interested about the other 17 random facts about me, refer to my previous post.

I had never really cared about the food I take until I became diabetic. Before, as long as it’s edible, it’ll be in my mouth and inside my body. Although I’m aware now of the things my body need, doesn’t need, shouldn’t need, I still eat unhealthy food. It’s just hard to stop.

I can jot down reasons why it’s hard to stop eating unhealthy food, personally. But I don’t want to. I don’t want to have an excuse to not eat healthy food all the time.

I’ve recently realized that caring for your body, for your well-being doesn’t just include regular exercise and meditation; it also includes taking in nutrients you need and not taking in things you don’t need (e.g., junk food, processed food).

Eat more foods that grow from trees and plants and eat less foods that are manufactured from plants. (from Tumblr)

So if you are like me who find it difficult to stay away from unhealthy food, make a commitment now. Let us make a commitment to love our bodies more by choosing to eat healthy foods all the time. Let us not deprive ourselves of the nutrients we needed.

I’ll always tell myself this: Eat because you need to, not because you want to.

A healthier year to all of us!

My Daily Routine for My Body, Mind, and Soul

Happy Three Kings, my fellow Catholics! Before I go to sleep, I’d like to share to you what I do daily for my body, mind, and soul. It involves a lot of reading and quiet moments. Here’s the list.

1. Good MorningGod

Good MorningGod is a book that I bought before the last year ended. It consists of daily messages written by the author to help the readers have and keep a close relationship with God. It is basically a devotional book that should be read every morning of the entire year. Beside the date are Bible verses that readers may read to complement with the day’s message.

2. Yoga Revolution

I think it was 2015 when I found the YouTube channel called “Yoga with Adriene”. My interest in yoga started during those times. I eventually forgot about the channel after practicing some of the yoga routines that it features.

Due to health reasons, my desire to do yoga daily this year arises. I searched for yoga routines, and was really delighted when a video from Yoga with Adriene appeared on the recommended videos. I clicked on the channel and saw Adriene’s 31-Day Yoga Resolution. It’s just what I needed. I actually just started the series yesterday and so far, I am loving it.

I love Adriene’s objective for the Yoga Revolution, I love how she executes the routines. It was a very compassionate yoga centering on sukha or ease.

3. Our Daily Journey

Come evening and I’m in my sister’s room where I am sleeping with three books. One of them is Our Daily Journey. Like Good Morning… God, it is a daily devotional book. Each page, which also denotes a day, contains two Bible verses that you should read; an article written by different authors, which is usually featuring a true-to-life story in relation with the verses; and, a question at the end that you have to answer and reflect to.

This is my second Our Daily Journey book. I’m proud to have finished its volume for 2016.

4. Bible reading

I am following a Bible reading plan from the Our Daily Journey book. At the bottom part of each page are the verses that needed to be read on that particular day so that you may be able to complete reading the Bible in a year.

Reading Bible, especially the Psalms and Proverbs, has helped me in so many things like to be strong, to not worry, and to always put my trust to God.

5. Healing Presence

This is the third book that I read at my sister’s room. Healing Presence (Prayers for Healing) basically contains prayers for oneself and for others. It also has messages of hope and love, as well as Bible passages to read for when you’re in need.

I love praying the prayer for mine and my loved one’s healing of body, mind, and soul.

6. Calm

Finally, I end my day with daily meditation courtesy of the mobile application, Calm. I am alloting 3 to 10 minutes of my day for quiet moments, deep breathes, gratitude, loving kindness, and some more awesome things. It is very relaxing to meditate. Although it isn’t always easy to concentrate, I believe I still get to reap the benefits of meditation. I get to calm my mind.

So long as I can, I will keep on doing my daily routine. It has been helping me in clearing my mind of negative thoughts, in being at peace, in enduring any physical pain and tension that I am experiencing, in relaxing, and in keeping my relationship with God as tight as it should be.

May you find a routine too that works best for your body, mind, and soul. I hope you’d have a chance to check the channel, app, and books-especially the Holy Bible-that I’ve mentioned in this blog post. They may work for you too.

I’m off to bed now. Good night and God bless you!