I am not fat.

I’m so tired of being called “fat”.

I’ve been fat my whole life and I’ve been teased about it since I could remember. It wasn’t cool, you know? It wasn’t cool to be defined by the weight of your body. Although saddened and extremely pissed at my detractors, I never really did anything about it until I got a problem in my stomach. It was back in high school. My doctor then prescribed me some suplements to help my digestive system digests the food I take in quickly.

Apart from those tablets that I used to take every after meals, I also had some sort of a chocolate shake (it may be a protein shake) which supposedly replace one of my meals every day, ideally dinner. However, I didn’t have any control over my mouth. Especially when our dinner’s just so yummy, who am I to resist? Right?

It’s also super difficult to go on a diet when your entire family loves to eat. Where’s your support, family? So… To conclude my attempt to weight loss, I simply fail miserably. I didn’t really lose any weight. My stomach got well though so… so…

And then here comes the tear-jerking part. I got diabetes. (Cries) No more sweets! No more excessive/binge eating! Control! Control! Control! Hello, nausea, headaches, body pain, energy gap, anxiety, and depression (I won’t go into details on this one, this’ll be on another blog post).

So… My doctor advised me to excercise. My blood was thick due to excessive glucose so I needed to move my body, shake it, and of course watch what I eat to make it normal-or at least close to normal. I did as I was told. I wanted to get well. I hate being sick for I believe when you’re sick, you don’t enjoy life best (which is not really the case).

So… I worked out. Cardio became my best friend. Since I was only a beginner in exercise, I only do 5-10 minutes of cardio with the help of a mobile app. That’s aside from walking every morning for 30 minutes more or less. I was too afraid during those days, tbh, to eat anything. I was clueless (I still am actually) on the food that I could eat. I was afraid all the food in the table would cause a rise in my blood sugar so I only take small portions. I was probably nauseous then because of nutrient deficiency as well.

My weight after a few months had significantly decreased. I think I lost 10 pounds in the first two to three months. That was a lot, isn’t it? My blood sugar also went back to normal, thank goodness!

However… However! I kept on falling after six months. My average blood sugar for four months is above normal, which isn’t good. I was eating food that I knew I wasn’t supposed to. I no longer walk everyday. I don’t workout everyday. I eat a lot again. I don’t lose any more weight.

Sometimes, I get confused with my body. I haven’t still memorized it and the signs it’s giving me. When I’m feeling unwell say for instance, I’m not sure if it’s because my blood sugar is high or low or it’s due to stress. But because I’m diabetic, it’s probably the first option.

Right now, I very really want to get back on track. I want to live life to the fullest and I don’t want family to worry. I also no longer want to be called “fat”. I am not fat! OK, I may still be fat but that won’t be forever.

My goal is to be fitter and most of all, healthier. It’s not going to be easy, that’s no brainer but I’ve already done it before. I would be strong enough to do it again. My journey to being “not fat” has begun.

Why are we too fond of new beginnings?

This is my first post and it is just most apt to talk about beginnings. Yes? Before 2016 ends, I had asked myself why we’re making all of those fuss about new year. We’re just changing our calendars anyway. It’s not like there’ll be two Mondays or we’ll be skipping a day. What’s so important about new year?

I found my answer from these words-new beginnings. As our 2016 calendars expire, we get to have our new beginnings, new opportunities, a new year. Yey!!

However… Aren’t we too fond of new beginnings? Couldn’t we change at the middle of the year? Make goals, for example, in June? The sad thing is some of us actually wait for a “new beginning” to do something we have always been wanting to do. That’s just it.

Well, honestly, I’m one of those people. I am always waiting for that perfect moment. And it’s a little too late when I’ve realized that there’s really no such thing; too late for I have already wasted too much time. Sad, eh?

Anyway, let’s now talk about the beginning itself. Let’s talk about New Year’s Resolutions! Those lists that we tear down after January, the lists that are being forgotten by the end of February! LOL. Do you still make them? Last year, I didn’t make one. This year, I have a few lists.

My main goal for this year is to establish a career. For almost three years, I am idle. OK, I got a bunch of writing jobs but by the mid of last year, they’re gone and they’re never regular anyway. So, I am basically idle. This year, I want to finally find a regular job, a job that would fund my love for books and make-up. Hehe.

Another goal of mine is to have a healthier lifestyle. Being idle also means a sedentary lifestyle, which is one reason why I am diabetic. I want to have an active lifestyle starting from this year to help cure/ease my diseases, as well as to ensure that I’ll live healthy for years and years.

2017. 2017, I’m claiming you. You are my year. You will be the best year ever! And I am praying that everyone else will be better, happier, and healthier this year. Cheers to new beginnings!