On Letting Go

We all have a past that we want to forget, a past that we regret, a past that we wish never happened, a past that we wish we could change, and/or a past we that we never wanted to end. We all do. We all do.

Past. It’s where most of our pains root. It’s where we left parts of ourselves that we wish to have back. It’s where our hearts got broken. It’s where our tears dropped.

Past. In other words, done. In other words, unexchangeable. In other words, let it go.

Letting go, as we all know, is vital in life but is also extremely difficult. First of all, how to start? How to start accepting what had been done without confronting the pain again? How to start forgetting what had been said? How to stop regretting? It’s way, way difficult that anyone could ever anticipate.

Letting go can be a long, long process. A long, long emotional battle. A long mental struggle. It’s tiring. It’s tiring.

But, it’s vital. Let’s always go back to that. It’s vital. Letting go is vital in living the present. Live in the present, they said. But actually, before you could really do that, you have to let go of your past first. Otherwise, the past will mess around with the present.

So, what can we do to let go of the past?

  1. Forgive ourselves.
  2. Forgive others.
  3. Forgive life.

And again, these three promised to be such grueling processes. But think about them. Think about their importance.

Tonight, I’ll be praying for us. May we finally learn to let go of our pasts by being able to do those three difficult steps. Then, after we let go, may we be more open to love ourselves, to love others, and to love life.

Accept Yourself

I knew that it is extremely important to love yourself and forgive yourself for all your mistakes. I hadn’t realized that it is also of utmost importance to accept yourself, first actually before you do the other two.

I’ve always been shy. I lack self-confidence and so, I don’t know how to carry myself. I don’t know how to talk people. I have no idea how I can make friends. I just realized that it’s not really because people don’t like me. It is mainly because I don’t like myself and then I just assumed that everyone doesn’t too. Sad, right? I’ve been too hard on myself. I deprived myself of happiness, of joy.

Yes, we all need to strive to be better persons but vitally I believe, we have to learn to accept ourselves first as we are. We have to accept our weaknesses, and not just be proud of our strengths. We have to accept that we’ve failed, and not just proudly accept our recognitions and accomplishments. We have to accept that we could do others wrong, just like how they could do the same to us. We have to truly accept that we are way, way, way… far from the word “perfect”.

It’s difficult, I should know, to accept your flaws. It’s difficult to accept that your body is not as fit as how you wanted it to be, no matter how huge the effort you allot for it. It’s difficult to accept that your eyes are not as big or not as small, your nose is not as pointed, your lips is not as thin or as thick, your face is not shaped… as you wanted. We’ll always have fantastic visions in our mind of what could have been, not only on our physicality, but then again, there are simply things that we cannot change. And even if we can change them, we have to accept them first.

Even the life’s most excruciating experience demands acceptance, for what else would it demand other than that? And so do you… And so everyone of us. If you love someone but not accept them fully, could you really call it love? If you forgive someone for the wrong they did to you but don’t accept them, could you really call it forgiveness?

Maybe, just like me, you’re struggling with your life right now. And maybe, just like me, you very much needed self-acceptance. I know the process will not be easy and it may take a while but I also know-and believe with all my heart-that it will be worth it.

Forgive Yourself

Love yourself… Now, forgive yourself? Am I too full of myself? Naw. It’s just that sometimes we are too focused on what’s happening around us-our jobs, our relationships, the media-that we forget to give ourselves the attention we needed.

Today, I’d like us to pay close attention to our emotions especially those we inflicted to ourselves, as opposed to emotions caused by others. Maybe, you’re adding too much weight on your shoulders. Maybe, you’re letting yourself take in too much of the emotions that you actually don’t need.

It’s natural for other people-like family members-to have expectations for us; perhaps, your mom wants you to be a successful business owner. Disappointing mom would not only hurt us, it will of course hurt her too. So, if you yourself has a huge expectation for yourself and then you ended up not adhering to that expectation, you will be both the disappointed and the disappointing. Those were too quite intense emotions; aren’t they too much for us?

I struggle with my emotions too but with awareness, acknowledgement, and practice, I believe I can be better. I believe I can be more compassionate with myself. Soon, I will be able to forgive myself for everything.

Compassion. Is compassion and love two different things? I do think so. If you love yourself, you desire the best for yourself at all times. If you are compassionate with yourself, you take time to listen and find what you truly needed. And maybe, what you truly needed right now is forgiveness from yourself.

Let’s forgive ourselves for not sticking to our New Year’s Resolution. Let’s forgive ourselves for not passing the exam, for arriving late at a very important meeting, for being lousy in front of the person we like, for stalking our exes on social media, for getting lost at our trips, for taking the wrong course, for sleeping way too late when we have to wake up way too early, for eating a lot or for not eating enough, for shouting at our friend and telling them mean things, for breaking the rules, for not being a good child… Yes, we’re holding grudges towards ourselves inside ourselves. And now it’s time to release them. It’s time to let them go.

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Then, acknowledge. We cannot be the best every time. Someone will be better and that’s okay. We are bound to make mistakes-silly, little, huge, vital, unnecessary, good ones-but at least we’re trying. We could hurt others too but that does not mean we could not apologize for it. We could get hurt by others but that does not mean we should hold grudges. We could hurt ourselves and I know, you already know what we should do. Life is not all rainbows. Remember, rain is needed in order to get rainbows. Without the rain, it’ll only be bows. Acknowledge that sometimes, you are a rainbow and other times, you’re actually a rain. And that is okay.

Today, why don’t we take time to listen to ourselves and find what we needed. Maybe, we simply need rest or maybe, we need a full-body spa. Maybe, we need to indulge with desserts or maybe, we need an intense workout. Maybe, we need forgiveness and maybe, we need to finally learn how to forgive.

Let us continue to love ourselves and let’s also try to be more compassionate with ourselves. Let’s not beat ourselves, okay? Enough of that tough love, we need more softness and fluffiness and mellowness. Yas!