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Maybe my heart’s cold

Beginning to turn into ice

My emotions start to freeze

I gain a few edges.

It’s tiresome to love, to stay in love

It’s emptying to keep on giving

My heart’s tired

And so please just allow me to stop holding on to you.

Why can’t you leave him?

Behind a sweet photograph lurks a bitter reality

He holds your hand, his grip’s too tight

He kisses your lips, smearing blood on it

He caresses your hair, some wrap around his fingers.

Leave him, why can‘t you?

You cry at night as he tastes his new lover

You build a new hope, he crushes it the next day

He comes back and then tries to leave

You tie him up and give him you.

Leave him, why can’t you?

It isn’t love.

It is suicide.

My Country’s 119th Independence Day

The Philippine’s 119th Independence Day was celebrated with tears. For this year, unfortunately, we cannot say that the Philippines is fully independent as war still goes on in Marawi City. A lot of lives had been sacrificed. Filipino people shout enough!

My heart shatters as I watch the news. The locals in Marawi were crying in the raising of the Philippine flag this morning. Right then, there were no religion. They were united. They were all Filipinos. They all strongly desire to see the last of the war and to have their normal, peaceful lives back.

My heart goes out to everyone who has lost their loved ones. I was touched by the pride families of decreased soldiers and policemen gained in the midst of this tragedy. I’m certain that they’ll be carrying that pride for the rest of their lives. Salute to all 58 soldiers and policemen who dedicated their lives for the country! They died carrying a great honor. I also pray that the deceased civilians will gain peace and I’ll pray the same for their families.

In this trying moment, especially to people in Mindanao, I’ll be praying that God will give all Filipinos hope, hope so great it will ease the pains and anxieties. May all wounded hearts be healed. May all wounded souls be restored. Be strong, Marawi. Be strong, Filipinos. Be strong, our beloved Philippines.

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I know something has changed

I had learned to forgive myself

I had learned to fogive people

I had learned to forgive my fate.

I’m hoping other things will change too

And maybe my life would be better

And maybe I could be someone’s joy

And maybe I would be happy.

It’s not like I’m unhappy

It is like I’m incomplete

There’s a lot that I’m lacking

One by one, I want to fill my emptiness.

It is not like I’m fully empty

I’m grateful for what I have

I don’t desire more but I need more

And it’s not only out of selfishness.

To the man of my dream…

I don’t know who you are for I wasn’t able to look at your face, yet I certainly felt a connection with you. Maybe, you’re my soulmate or maybe you’re simply just a fragment of my thoughts.

Well, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for making me feel loved, wanted, and cared for for a brief moment. I could still remember the way you smell. You smelled of bath soap and it’s a comforting scent for me. I could still feel your hand in my head as you pet me. I had to slide it down to my shoulder though and yes, I had to hold it too.

Your hand is soft and I don’t want to let go of it. But in my dream you had to leave.

I hope to meet you in real life if ever you’re real. I long for the fuzzy feeling that you caused me. You put me at ease. I wonder if fate will ever let me see you again…

I am not in love.

They say I’m in love because of the way I bat my lash, the way my eyes spark, and the way I flash a smile. They say I’m in love for the way I talk’s sweet as choco pops, and the way I stare’s dreamy and soft. They say I’m in in love for my movement’s smooth and it’s like I’m always in a dance.

No, I am not in love.

If I’m in love, my eyes would have bags and not sparks. If I’m in love, my body would be too stiffed and always tensed. If I’m in love, there’ll be tears between my lash. If I’m in love, my smiles would be fake. If I’m in love, I don’t think I’d be able to even talk clearly.

Nope, there’s an absolute no way that I’m in love.

My heart would only beat fast after my cardio. I would not have the giggles, only frowns. My mind would think about million things per second and not only a single whoever every second. My phone’s filled with nothing but my photos. I am not stalking anybody in social media. I am not dreaming to be anybody, nor do I dream that I’m with somebody.

Then, do I wish to be in love?

If it would help with my stories, perhaps I would. If it would help with my loneliness, perhaps I would. If it won’t, no thank you. No, thank you.

On Letting Go

We all have a past that we want to forget, a past that we regret, a past that we wish never happened, a past that we wish we could change, and/or a past we that we never wanted to end. We all do. We all do.

Past. It’s where most of our pains root. It’s where we left parts of ourselves that we wish to have back. It’s where our hearts got broken. It’s where our tears dropped.

Past. In other words, done. In other words, unexchangeable. In other words, let it go.

Letting go, as we all know, is vital in life but is also extremely difficult. First of all, how to start? How to start accepting what had been done without confronting the pain again? How to start forgetting what had been said? How to stop regretting? It’s way, way difficult that anyone could ever anticipate.

Letting go can be a long, long process. A long, long emotional battle. A long mental struggle. It’s tiring. It’s tiring.

But, it’s vital. Let’s always go back to that. It’s vital. Letting go is vital in living the present. Live in the present, they said. But actually, before you could really do that, you have to let go of your past first. Otherwise, the past will mess around with the present.

So, what can we do to let go of the past?

  1. Forgive ourselves.
  2. Forgive others.
  3. Forgive life.

And again, these three promised to be such grueling processes. But think about them. Think about their importance.

Tonight, I’ll be praying for us. May we finally learn to let go of our pasts by being able to do those three difficult steps. Then, after we let go, may we be more open to love ourselves, to love others, and to love life.